A Dudley fic
by Philosophi Lapis
Summary: A short story about Dudley set near the beginning of COS. Complete
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Warning: I am bored.

The drive home from Kings Cross station passed almost in silence. The only time anyone spoke was when Vernon Dursley yelled at a speeding motorist. In the back seat Vernon's twelve year old son, Dudley, glanced at his cousin, Harry Potter. Under normal circumstances Dudley would have thrown a punch at Harry, but these were not normal circumstances. Harry had just returned from his first year at some weird school for wizards.

As soon as they arrived home Vernon locked Harry's trunk in the cupboard under the stairs.

"All my stuff's in there" Harry protested.

"And it's staying there until you go back to that – that school" said Vernon "I'm not having any you know what under my roof"

"But I've got homework. Can't I at least get my books out?" said Harry. "I'll get in trouble if I don't do it"

"Homework" snorted Vernon "in the summer holidays. A likely story, boy" He turned to his son "Dud, fetch me a padlock from the shed would you"

When Dudley returned with the padlock, Vernon padlocked Harry's owl inside her cage.

"You're not sending messages to any of your lot" he spat.

Vernon arrived home from work one evening and announced that he was hoping to get a large order of drills from a client.

"I've invited them for a dinner party. Eight o'clock two weeks from tomorrow" he said. "I've worked out a schedule. At eight o'clock, Petunia, you should be just finishing dinner. No that makes us look disorganised. You can er be waiting for them in the lounge. Dudley, you can be waiting to open the door"

"But Piers has asked me to the cinema that night" wailed Dudley. If he protested enough his parents would let him go.

"You can go another night" said Vernon gruffly. "It creates a much better impression if you're here. Now what was I saying? Oh yes, you'll be opening the door. Let's practice to see if you've got the hang of it"

"_I know how to open a stupid door_" thought Dudley as his parents stepped onto the threshold. A second later the doorbell rang and he pulled the front door open.

"No not like that!" said Vernon. "You'll scare them if you're standing right at the door. Go down to the end of the hall. And the way you're pulling the door handle looks like you're trying to yank it off the hinges. Do try and be a bit more gentle"

The second time Dudley opened the front door slowly and carefully.

"Anyone would think the front door was about to fall apart the way you're handling it" said Vernon. "Try again"

After two more attempts Vernon was happy with Dudley's door opening technique.

"Now what are you going to say?" he asked.

"What do you mean, what am I going to say?" said Dudley curiously.

"The Masons have arrived. You've opened the door. You're mother and I are in the lounge. Now what are you going to say?" said Vernon impatiently.

"Oh" said Dudley quietly. He thought for a moment. "Dad, the Masons are here!"

"I'll hear the doorbell. I'll know they're here" said Vernon through gritted teeth. "Besides that won't create a good impression. Open the door and say something to the Masons"

Vernon and Petunia stepped onto the threshold again. When the doorbell rang Dudley walked down the hall and answered it.

"Hello?" he said.

"That's no good" said Vernon angrily.

"How about 'good evening'?" suggested Petunia.

"Better" said Vernon walking into the lounge. "We can work on that"

"What do I do?"

Dudley, Vernon and Petunia jumped. None of them had noticed Harry sitting in the lounge.

"What do you mean?" asked Vernon suspiciously.

"At the dinner party" said Harry "What am I supposed to do?"

"You're staying in your bedroom and I don't want to hear a sound out of you, boy. You don't exist for the evening" growled Vernon "Now clear off!"

Harry went upstairs to his bedroom. Dudley sat down in an armchair and leafed through the television guide. As he did this he thought that when it came to this dinner party, Harry was getting a better deal than he was.

Two weeks later, Dudley was sick of his father's dinner party and it was still one day away although he did enjoy watching his father bullying Harry.

"Now remember, boy. If you make one sound you're going to regret it" growled Vernon.

"I know" said Harry miserably.

All we need is one question about how the boy got that hideous scar or what happened to his parents or where he goes to school and there goes the deal" said Vernon gruffly as Harry went upstairs.

Dudley put down the television guide he had been leafing through suddenly feeling curious about Harry's school. He waited until his parents were watching the evening news and slipped the key to the cupboard under the stairs off his father's key ring.

Several hours later Dudley pushed open his bedroom door and looked along the landing. There were now strips of light under any of the doors. His parents and cousin must be asleep. Dudley crept downstairs. He unlocked the cupboard door and stepped inside. He carefully lifted the lid of Harry's trunk. There was a shiny broomstick with the words "Nimbus Two Thousand" written in gold near the top lying on top of a black robe. Dudley thought the robe looked much better than his school uniform of orange knickerbockers and maroon tailcoat. Dudley found two more robes like the first one and another one in red. "Must be for sports" he thought. There were also some old clothes of his that had been passed on to Harry. One item of clothing, however, had not been his. Moving a pile of jeans aside Dudley found a thick, hand-knitted, emerald green jumper. Dudley wondered where Harry had got it. Under the jumper was a pile of cards. They all seemed to be get well cards. By the looks of things Harry was very popular at his school. Dudley replaced the cards and kept looking through the trunk. He had come across Harry's books. Dudley hated to read. If he got a book for Christmas or his birthday it went straight into what was his second bedroom, which was where he kept all his broken toys and things he didn't want anymore. Now it was Harry's bedroom. Dudley went to move Harry's schoolbooks aside when he noticed the title of one of them;

_Magical Draughts and Potions_ by Arsenius Jigger.

Curiously Dudley looked through a few of the books. It seemed that Harry had been making potions to cure boils, potions to make people forget and learning spells to make things change colour, spells to make things fly, spells to turn one object into another while he, Dudley, was learning boring things like maths and geography.

Dudley thought that would be useful. If the Smelting's cook served something he didn't like, he could turn it into something else. He was curious now. What would happen if he held Harry's wand and said some magic words? He moved more things aside searching for the wand which was difficult as he didn't know what it looked like. Two more things made him forget about it.

The first was a photo album full of photos of two people who had to be Harry's parents. All the pictures were moving. The man looked almost like a grown up version of Harry. The only difference was his eyes were a different colour and he didn't have a scar shaped like a bolt of lightning on his forehead. The woman had green eyes like Harry's. Dudley knew that this was his mother's sister. "Harry's mum doesn't look like my mum" he thought turning the pages. He stopped at a photo that had been taken on the Potter's wedding day. Harry's parents were standing arm in arm both smiling. Next to them was a handsome man laughing about something. He had to be the best man. "I wonder why Harry didn't go and live with him" thoughtDudley replacing the photo album and turning his attention to the other thing he had found.

It was a box of sweets. Dudley opened a bag labeled Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. He bit into a white bean that tasted like mashed potato. He also got strawberry, carrot, milk, chocolate, cornflake, bacon, and apple. Dudley bit into one last bean, a green one.

"Eurgh!" he said loudly spitting it out. It was the worst thing he had ever tasted. He looked around for something to get the taste out of his mouth at the same time hoping his parents and cousin were still asleep. There was some chocolate at the bottom of the box. Dudley wolfed several pieces down as he locked the cupboard under the stairs and crept back to his bedroom. As Dudley closed his door he heard he distinctly heard the words "bloody racket" from his parents' bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Luckily for Dudley the "bloody racket" that had woken his father during the night had been caused by Harry's owl. Dudley had a very good time at breakfast as he got to hear Vernon shouting at Harry twice. First because of the noise his owl had been making and then because Harry said the word "magic" at the kitchen table.

After breakfast Vernon drove into town to pick up dinner jackets for Dudley and himself to wear to the dinner party. Dudley still hadn't been able to convince his parents to let him go out for the night. Not that he hadn't tried: At breakfast when Vernon suggested that they try to include some compliments in the dinner conversation Dudley suggested saying that he had written about Mr Mason when he had to write about his hero at school. Dudley had been sure that this comment would cause his father to lose his temper and tell Dudley to clear off for the night. But all that happened was that his mother burst into tears and hugged him while Harry tried not to laugh.

Dudley decided to spend the day taunting Harry. He found his cousin in the back garden staring at the hedge.

**"**I know what day it is" jeered Dudley. He thought he saw a pair of eyes in the middle of the hedge but it must have been his imagination because when he looked again they had gone.

**"**What?" said Harry.

"I know what day it is" repeated Dudley walking over to him.

"Well done. So you've finally learned the days of the week" said Harry not taking his eyes of the hedge.

Dudley was going to punch Harry for that remark, but he thought it would be more fun to remind his cousin that everyone had forgotten his birthday. If he was lucky he would get to do both.

"Today's your birthday. How come you haven't got any cards? Haven't you got any friends at that freak place?"

Dudley expected Harry to say that his school wasn't a freak place. In fact this was the reaction that Dudley wanted because he now wanted to know more things about Harry's school. Things that he could never learn for himself by looking at the contents of a trunk. He wanted to know what the teachers were like; what wizards did for fun; if there were any more giants like the one he had met last year. But Harry just told Dudley "Better not let your mum hear you talking about my school"

Dudley didn't have a comeback because he knew that Harry was right. He said the first thing that came into his head.

**"**Why're you starring at the hedge?"

He thought that Harry would say something like "the hedge is much better looking than you". Instead he said he was trying to think of a spell to set it on fire. Dudley immediately faked a look of panic.

"You can't. Dad said you're not allowed to do magic. He'll chuck you out and you haven't got any friends to take you"

Dudley knew that Harry had friends at his school. He remembered a tall boy with red hair and freckles and a girl with bushy brown hair at Kings Cross. He waited hoping that Harry was going to tell him about these friends, for he wanted to know what they were like and what sort of work their parents did. He supposed that witches and wizards must have more interesting jobs than being a director of a drill making company. But Harry just started saying nonsense words.

It became apparent to Dudley that his taunting was having absolutely no affect on his cousin, but he wanted Harry's day to be as unbearable as his evening was going to be. He tried a different approach. He ran into the house howling "MUUUM! MUUUUM! He's doing you know what!"

It worked. Petunia gave Harry a long list of chores to do. Dudley lazed around the garden eating ice creams and watching Harry work until his father called him inside to get ready for dinner.

"Go and have a shower" ordered Vernon "and wash your hair. I've put your jacket on your bed and your mother's ironed a shirt for you"

Dudley stomped upstairs.

"Make sure your shoes are clean" Vernon yelled after him. "And put on a tie"

After Dudley had showered and changed his clothes, Vernon retied Dudley's tie and told him to go and comb his hair.

"I'll fix it for you, popkin" said Petunia stepping forwards.

Dudley scowled. He hated being called "popkin" even worse than that was "Ickle Dudleykins". His aunt Marge called him these things too, but at least he got paid to put up with it from her.

Petunia not only combed Dudley's hair, she also adjusted his collar, although Dudley couldn't see any difference and spent at least five minutes tucking in his shirt.

"Mum, I can do it" he complained thinking that this was even more embarrassing than all the names his mother had for him. Finally his parents were satisfied with his appearance. But Vernon had more instructions for the evening.

"Don't take more food without offering it to the Masons first and make sure their glasses are always filled. And Dudley, don't slouch. Keep your back straight when you walk. Go on I want to see how you do it"

Dudley walked down the hall thinking that his clothes combined with this particular way of walking made him look like a penguin.

The dinner party was, surprisingly, not as dull as Dudley had predicted. First a lot of banging and yelping came from Harry's room. Vernon blamed this on Dudley leaving his television on.

"They're stupid if they believe that" thought Dudley. He secretly hoped that Harry had dropped something heavy on his foot. Then after the main course there was a loud crash in the kitchen. Everyone rushed in to investigate to find Petunia's pudding destroyed and Harry, white faced, covered from head to foot in whipped cream. Vernon immediately shooed the Masons back into the dining room while he explained that he had kept Harry upstairs because meeting strangers upset him. The very worst thing was the owl that swooped in and dropped a letter on Mrs Mason's head. Mrs Mason screamed and ran out of the house. Mr Mason leapt to his feet.

"My wife is mortally afraid of birds!" he shouted "Is this your idea of a joke?" Then before anyone could answer him, Mr Mason stormed out after his wife.

Vernon shook the letter open and scanned it. Then, purple faced, he advanced on Harry and gave him the letter to read. It came as a shock to Dudley to learn that Harry was not allowed to do magic away from his school. Vernon locked Harry in his room with the promise that he would never to back to his school.

Three nights later Dudley was woken up by his father shouting, "HE'S GETTING AWAY!"

Dudley ran into Harry's bedroom just in time to see three red haired boys dragging his cousin into the back seat of an old blue car. The two older boys were identical twins. The younger one was the tall boy that Dudley had seen at Kings cross. It wasn't until Harry's friend shouted "Put your foot down, Fred!" that Dudley realised that the car was parked in the air. Dudley and his parents hung out of Harry's window as the car sped towards the moon.

"Well we er may as well go back to bed" said Vernon when the car was out of sight. "Good riddance, I say"

Dudley went back to bed wishing that his father's car flew.

The end.


End file.
